DAVE: … no, it’s more like “get to the chah-pper”
HEAD: “Get to the chahh-pper”
DAVE: No, like “Aa-”
DAVE: “Sarah Cah-nnar, get to the chah-pper”
HEAD: No, hang on, that’s not even right…
DAVE: “Consider that a div-awce, Sarah Cah-nnar, get to the chah-pper!”
HEAD: We’ve got to stop. You should quit while you’re ahead.
DAVE: You can talk.
HEAD: No head puns…
DAVE: I’m sorry…
HEAD: You’d never win. I’ve got a head start.
DAVE: Ohh! Doubt it – you’ve got no body to practice with…
HEAD: Oh, you went there…
DAVE: I went there.
HEAD: That is a good one – I should phone everybody and tell them it. Hey, can I borrow your headphones?
DAVE: Yeah, but I don’t think they’d suit you – they’d make your bum-chin look big.
HEAD: Alright, let’s stop, these are terrible.
HEAD: So… what was that stuff you put all over me this morning?
DAVE: Right – the SuperCooling gel?
HEAD: Yeah. I liked that. “I like that a lot”.
DAVE: Thought you might.
WILL KING: Just to say those shave gels make a great face wash, too.
DAVE: Alright mate.
WILL KING: #KingOfShaves…
DAVE: You deserve it, mate. You’re my buddy, you’re my wingman! You’re super-cool. You’re my number-one guy.
HEAD: Aw, thanks.
DAVE: Anyway, talking of ’number ones’… back in two shakes. Or three shakes. Depending-
HEAD: Alright, just go.
*some pretty sweet beatboxing*
HEAD: Oh, sorry, that seat’s-
HEAD: Um… no. No, I’m not.
LUCY: Nice. I love puns.
HEAD: Do you, now…?
HEAD: Cool. Er – I bet you’re just a pun person to be around.
LUCY: Bags of pun.
HEAD: Hahahaha …’s the same pun.
LUCY: Two heads are better than one.
HEAD: If things go well we could head off together later.
LUCY: Yeah – head to the bar…
DAVE: Ha ha ha…
LUCY: But don’t get legless…
DAVE: Ha ha ha ha
LUCY: Ha ha ha ha
LUCY’S HEAD: Hi.
LUCY’S HEAD: Looks like someone’s getting head tonight.
HEAD: Well, let’s put out heads together later.
LUCY: Yeah. Don’t knock heads though…
HEAD: No, I’d kill you.
LUCY: Yes. Flatten me.
HEAD: Yeah. Well no, I wouldn’t flatten you, but you would definitely suffer a severe frontal lobe trauma….
Your face is super cool. Treat it that way.
King of Shaves
HEAD: I was thinking the lobster linguine, but s’a bit much, innit?
STUART: What… price, or carbs, or what?
DATE: Erm, both.
STUART: If you want it, you get it. It’s cheat day. And you look fantastic.
HEAD: No… really? You don’t think my love handles-?
STUART: No, your ears are fine.
WAITER: Are ready to order?
STUART: Yes. I… shall have the…
STUART: Steak. Medium rare.
WAITER: Very good, sir. And for the…
STUART: He is going to have the lobster linguine and he is not going to argue about it.
WAITER: Excellent choice.
STUART: Oh – not for me, thanks; I’m driving. It goes straight to my head.
HEAD: Oh, thanks!
HEAD: Cheers. So, er – what’s all this about?
STUART: What d’you mean?
HEAD: Well… the meal and the wine, and that ’thing’ you did to me this morning.
HEAD: What was the name of that stuff?
STUART: Oh, the Advanced Shave Oil?
HEAD: Yeah. That was great.
STUART: Well it is a fantastic product from a risk-taking brand with a great sense of humour.
HEAD: What are you being so nice to me for?
STUART: Well… you’re my face. You’re special. You’re the first thing people see when they meet me. You’re like my ’shop window’. I should be doing this for you every day. I should be treating you the way you deserve to be treated.
*gross tongue noises*
BADLY-SHAVED HEAD: Shall we just go?
MAN: If you want dessert, have dessert…
BADLY-SHAVED HEAD: Well I don’t want a whole one.
MAN: I don’t want any, but if you want one – have one.
BADLY-SHAVED HEAD: Well, I’m not just going to sit here by myself and have a whole panna cotta while you smash birds against candy or jewels or whatever you’re playing.
MAN: Do you have to do that?
STUART: Whoah. Let’s calm down there a bit, eh…? Yep.
Treat your face right.
King of Shaves
TOM: …and what are you having?
HEAD: You know – that gets funnier every time you say it. I really hope you never stop.
TOM: You might regret saying that.
HEAD: Already do. Cheers!
HEAD: So, what’s going on with you? Feel like I haven’t seen you in ages.
TOM: Well, it was that big, old, bushy beard wasn’t it?
HEAD: Yeah – what was her name again?
TOM: Very funny… No, I went a bit AWOL for a while, didn’t I, hidden behind that scraggly old thing. Don’t know what I was thinking…
HEAD: Well, doesn’t matter now – it’s good to be back. I was beginning to think you didn’t care about me.
TOM: That’s actually why I wanted you here today…
HEAD Oh yeah?
TOM: Yeah, you know – I realised something yesterday in the shower…
HEAD: Sounds sexy.
TOM: I’d just spent an hour working on my guns.
HEAD: Your arms?
TOM: No – my guns.
TOM: And I was shaving my chest and…down there, y’know…and I had a bit of epiphany.
HEAD: Sounds sexy.
TOM: I realised I spend so much time with those other guys and not enough with you… I want to change that.
HEAD: Oh, so the other guys aren’t joining us tonight?
TOM: No, they are, but I wanted to get you alone first. I wanted to say that… I’m sorry. Things are going to be better from now on. I’m going to take care of you.
That shave this morning, that was just the beginning.
HEAD: Oh, mate. C’mere…
HEAD: Oh – look, it’s the other guys.
TOM: Hey, guys.
TOM: Yeah. That’s my balls…
HEAD: Oh yeah?
HEAD: Sounds sexy.
Treat your face (and other bits) right.
King of Shaves
HEAD: This is silly.
ANDY: Shhh! OK, ready… open!
HEAD: What’s all this?
ANDY: For you.
HEAD: I don’t know what to say!
ANDY: I do… and it’s something I should’ve said a long time ago…
ANDY: I like you. I like that you get cold when it’s 23 degrees outside. I like that it takes you an hour and a half to eat a sandwich-
HEAD: Bit weird isn’t it, given my si-
ANDY: Shh. I’m being romantic.
ANDY: …you’re the first person I want to see when I wake up in the morning. I mean I do, obviously, in the mirror, but I’ve never really seen you – know what I mean?
HEAD: Um, not really, but go on…
ANDY: I brought you here this evening because when you realise you want to spend the rest of your facial-grooming life with somebody, you want the rest of your facial-grooming life to start as soon as possible.
ANDY: Look, at the end of the day, I’m just a guy… kneeling in front of a giant version of his own head… asking him to love him.
HEAD: You had me at “put on this blindfold immediately and get in the car!”
ANDY: After all the neglect: the beards, goatees, stubble-rash …those mutton-chops!
ANDY: Every little missed patch of hair under my bottom lip: I’m going to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Like royalty. Ruling over my face.
HEAD: I think it’s “reigning”.
ANDY: Is it raining? I hadn’t noticed…
ANDY: I’m King of the World!
ANDY: Oh crap, it’s my wife!
ANDY: She is not going to understand this…
Treat your face like royalty.
King of Shaves
HEAD: This is silly.
ANDY: Aaaaah. This is nice, isn’t it?
HEAD: Mmm. Hey, do I get a discount on the full-body massage?
ANDY: Stop worrying about money – this is my treat. …But no, if anything they wanted to charge more for you.
HEAD: Well, she was worth it. Turns out I was carrying a lot of stress in my eyelids.
HEAD: What’re we doing next?
ANDY: It’s your day, mate – what do you want to do?
KID: Whoah, what is that, Mummy?
MUM: Don’t stare, sweetie – it’s not polite.
KID: But it’s massive!
HEAD: Can we can speed this up?
BLOCKED PERSON 1: I can’t see the bloody screen.
BLOCKED PERSON 2: I know! …this isn’t even a comedy.
HEAD: Come on, mate.
HEAD: Ow, ow, ow…
ANDY: Back-up a bit mate, just a little.
HEAD: That was fun…
ANDY: Super fun.
HEAD: Love you.
ANDY: You too, mate. You too…
Treat Your Face The Way It Deserves To Be Treated
King of Shaves
King of Shaves are offering a fantastic Lee Valley adventure experience for you and three mates in our free prize draw. You could win:
- Win a one night stay in a cabin for four at Lee Valley Raft experience for four people during open season.
- Plus a round of Golf or Foot Golf.
- Plus £150 spending money.
- Why not combine this fantastic prize with a Friday night stay to take advantage of the ‘Friday Night Live’ music experience!
WIN WITH KING OF SHAVES
There’s no catch, simply enter your details at win.shave.com/kicks for your change to win this great day out. There are also 100 runners up prizes of King of Shaves products!
Prize draw closes midnight GMT on 9 September 2016. Good luck!
The promoter is King of Shaves Company Ltd. 10 Penn Road, Beaconsfield, Bucks HP9 2LH (Company Registration Number 6516049). The closing dates for entries is midnight on the 09/09/2016. Enter at win.shave.com/kicks. The prize is subject to availability and must be taken by 31 March 2017 and during Lee Valley open season. The prize consists of a Lee Valley Experience – all activities need to be booked and taken over consecutive days. This experience is covered by Lee Valley standard terms and conditions of booking and our venues’ terms and conditions. Minimum age restrictions apply. These can be found by visiting gowhitewater.co.uk. Rafting Wednesday to Sunday excluding Saturdays. Food and drinks not included. Winners must bring their own golf clubs and equipment. Only UK residents aged 18 and over may enter. No purchase necessary. We can only accept one entry per person. All entries received by the closing date will go into a prize draw. We will draw one winner at random. 100 runners up will also win King of Shaves products. Travel not included. No cash alternative.
The 11th Brompton World Championship Final will take place as part of the Prudential RideLondon festival of cycling on Saturday 30th July at 19.15pm. This is the second time the race has been held in the capital, where the Brompton bike was invented and it still made today.
Last year’s event saw participants from over 20 nations taking part with a star-studded field including British cycling stars David Millar and Michael Hutchinson. Sportswear most definitely is not permitted with a strictly ‘no Lycra rule’. Competitors start the race with a Le Mans-style mad dash in The Mall, unfolding their bikes before taking on the 16km circuit.
WIN TICKETS WITH KING OF SHAVES
King of Shaves have 10 tickets to the hospitality area for this event for the winners to come along as our guests and watch the fun. Enjoy a free drink, a food voucher and a perfect view of the race! There are also 100 runners up prizes of King of Shaves products!
Prize draw closes midnight GMT on 24 July 2016. Good luck!
The promoter is King of Shaves Company Ltd. 10 Penn Road, Beaconsfield, Bucks HP9 2LH (Company Registration Number 6516049). The closing dates for entries is midnight on the 24/07/2016. Enter at win.shave.com/BWC. The prize is subject to availability. The prize consists of 10 tickets to the Brompton hospitality area, which will include a free drink and a food voucher per ticket. Minimum age restrictions apply. Only UK residents aged 18 and over may enter. No purchase necessary. We can only accept one entry per person. All entries received by the closing date will go into a prize draw. We will draw one winner at random. 100 runners up will also win King of Shaves products. Travel not included. No cash alternative.
A better moisturiser for better skin! We can’t stop the effects of old father time, but we can certainly try and slow him up a bit. King of Shaves new SPF15 Moisturiser with UVA / UVB filters will help protect your skin from the ageing effects of the sun whilst keeping it smooth and supple. It has a non greasy matte finish and is ideal for all skin types including sensitive.
Use daily to help protect yourself from the damaging effects of sunlight and to help keep your skin in optimum condition. The new Moisturiser features:
- SPF15 with UVA / UVB filters – helps protect from ageing effects of the sun.
- Soothes and calms skin after shaving to help reduce razor burn and irritation.
- Vitamin E acts as an antioxidant and aids your skin’s natural healing processes.
- Panthenol contains Provitamin B5 and improves hydration.
- Peptides stimulate collagen helping repair and restore the skin.
- Creatine helps condition and protect the skin from environmental stresses and the effects of ageing.
- Dermatologically tested – no added fragrance.
King of Shaves SPF15 Anti-Ageing Moisturiser is available now from our online store for just £8.99. Plus for a limited time, if you use coupon code SPF152016 on the checkout, you can get a tube for just £5.99 including free UK delivery!
Our No Foam Shave Cream & Daily Moisturiser is now available in a 20ml Trial Set. So if you would like to try this effective 2-in-1 product you don’t have to buy a full-size tube to see if you like it. As well as the price including free UK delivery, each Shave Cream Trial Set includes a voucher giving you 10% off your next purchase from King of Shaves’ online shop.
Also available to try is our Sensitive Shave Gel Trial Set, same compact 20ml tube size (making it ideal for a weekend away or your gym bag), this set includes a money-back voucher for use at shave.com.
Both Trial Sets are available now from the King of Shaves online store.